Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
