Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
