1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
