I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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