My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
whose parrot is this?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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