the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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