First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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