Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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