Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
