let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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