Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
