Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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