Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
