Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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