evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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