I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
