her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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