I wanna passion pit in your ass
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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