after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
they call him Oral-B. enough said
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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