Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize