I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
