You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
