I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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