he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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