That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She bit a glass in half.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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