Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
