end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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