Jerry, you need to find god
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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