Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
