Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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