I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
