my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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