what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
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