You were right. It hurts to walk today.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
