Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
