don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
