Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
