I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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