i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
