There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
