Ketchup is God's man juice
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
