ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
