i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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