everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
