Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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