he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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