Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
