yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
