Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
