Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
where are you?
Hypothermia
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
