wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We named our party play list daddy issues
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
