College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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